Okay...here's the plan

Dear Reader,

I promise this will be the last posting on Pastor Terry Jones.  But, before he single-handedly stirs up another 9/11, I have a plan that I believe will stop Pastor Terry Jones in his tracks....

To the gay and lesbian population in and around Gainsville, Florida...you need to stage a 'love-in' on Saturday, right on the front law of The Dove World Outreach Centre in Gainsville.  We all know by now that the good Pastor is a closet homosexual, so a massive gay 'love-in' right on his front law will send him running and defeat his retarded plans.

Get out your rainbow flags...show your love for one another...and get down to The Dove World Outreach Centre at 5805 NW 37th St Gainesville, FL 32653; Phone: 352-371-2487.  Please, help us save the world from this Idiot!!!!

Okay, Pastor Penis...this is war.

Dear reader, I apologize about a second posting without answering any of your questions, but this Pinhead Pastor in Florida has gone too far.

I really didn't want it to come to this, but Pastor Terry Jones and his Dove Outreach Centre for Ignoramuses has left me no choice.  He's determined to follow through with his absolutely retarded plan to burn the Quran, so I've dug up a few nuggets from the Pastor's checkered past which I'm bringing into the light in the hopes that this will help to extinguish his ridiculous plans.

The Pastor is against Muslims, Gays, and most likely every other group that makes up our world, with the exception of White Trash, Dixie-Lovin', Liquor-Swillin', God-Fearing, Inbred Southern peeps.  Now, I've often found in life that when someone is anti-anything, it usually stems back to a deep guilt of loving the things and groups that they are most against.  And sure enough, after digging through the Good Pastor's closet and talking to several of my acquaintances in the adult biz, looky what I found.

Please do your part and get the photos out on the Internet and send them to everyone you know.  Pastor Terry Jones' secret life must be exposed...we must stop his idiot plans...we must expose him as the gay, Muslim-loving, teddy bear that he truly is!!


Exhibit A:

Pastor Terry Jones and his former lover, Rahim Abdul, Teddy Bear Club, 2005

Exhibit B:

Pastor Terry Jones and former yoga instructor/lover, Ali Ramirez, 2002

 















Exhibit C:

Pastor Terry Jones and lover Damien Saddleback after their
wedding, San Francisco, 2007

Pastor...or Porn Star?

Usually, I don't delve into religion or politics...but this fucking guy...

Welcome to the New Millenium.  Two weeks ago, Florida pastor Terry Jones was a no-name, alcoholic, bible-thumping pastor at The Dove World Outreach Centre (interesting name for a House of God) in Gainsville, Florida, preaching the Word of God in-between Budweisers.  But, in this day and age of making every moron with an internet connection a reality tv star or YouTube sensation, the good pastor Jones has come up with the newest buzz-generator on the religious circuit...International Burn a Quran Day.

Can I be the 16,458th to say, "this guy is a fucking asshole."  The first thing that I'd like to know is...who in the hell is listening to a pastor who sports a circa 1976 porn moustache?  Seriously?  The Word of God coming out from under a handle-barred stache?  I certainly don't remember Father Weislowski sporting a John Holmes and throwing back shots of Jack before mass in my altar boy days.

Seems to me that there are about four occupations that the good pastor is suited for...

1)  A Mope (basically, a male porn star who's past his prime and only gets thrown a bone every so often when a director wants to do a throwback film...similar to a MILF, but gets a lot less work).
2) A Child Molester (self-explanatory).
3) Drunk, Belligerent Streetwalker and/or Homeless Guy Who's Pissed Himself on COPS.
4) The Obnoxiously Drunk Used Car Salesman sitting at the end of the bar groping 'feelies' each time a waitress has to pick up her drink order.

Now, it's one thing to be an asshole...but, it's a whole 'nother ballgame when you are single-handedly obliterating the already shaky US-Islamic relations and putting a big red target on our troops stationed in Islamic countries.  I can guarantee that this Porn Star Preacher is a Bush-supporting backer of both our wars overseas...yet in one idiotic action of grand proportion, he's riled up the Islamic community worldwide and put our brave men and women fighting overseas in more jeopardy then ever before.

So, here's my idea.  Let's send ol' Porn Pastor Jones down to Guantanamo Bay and lock him in a cell with a bottle of lube and a leather thong.  Then, we throw in legendary cocksmen Ron Jeremy and Chris Charming, both tripping on three hits of Ecstasy.  Leave the boys in there for about five hours and let them run a train on the good Pastor Jones until he sees the light and learns the true meaning of getting screwed.