Willy...what's a 'smoker'?

I received this question from Adolph S. in Big Bear Lake, CA...Adolph, I'm sure there are several definitions to term SMOKER in relation to the world at large...but as far as it flies the in Porno Valley, I uncovered its meaning during my first week of tenure as an in-house editor...

The company's Contract Director came in to "The Shark Tank" (a dimly lit room housed by the company's motley crew of editors) and asked, "Who wants to do a fuckin' smoker this weekend? Get some bitches and beer, you guys pick the girls. How about you, new guy?" "What's a smoker?" I naively inquired, prompting chuckles from around the room. "What's a smoker? Dude...we rent a hotel room, I call up some porn bitches, grab a case of Coronas...you guys get liquored up, I film you having sex with some hot porn chicks, and then I pay you $400 for day. Fuck...how do you pass that up? I pay you to get drunk AND get laid!"


I had to reject the offer as I was engaged at the time and surely would have entered the John Bobbitt Severed Penis Club had I partaken in the event.  So, in closing, Adolph...if you're down with getting paid (at about half the industry day rate) to get drunk and filmed banging various pornettes (which will then be readily available on porn shelves across the country the following month)...then a SMOKER, my friend, is just the thing for you.

Willy D?

Ryan F from Fort Myers, FL asks..."Willy D? What the hell kinda porn name is that? Aren't you supposed to use your pet name, or the name of a city in Texas, or something like that?"....Ryan, first off, Willy D has worked just fine for me over the past few years.  The reason I haven't been working as much as of late is because of this f*&kin' economy and dwindling DVD sales (not to mention all the a-holes posting my work on the internet for free).  I'm a purest when it comes to my porn monicker...hence, I use my real name (William DeLongpre) and condense it (Willy D).  But, to answer your question, there are a few techniques that one can utilize in choosing a porn name....

1) Take your street of residence and combine it with your pet's name (which would make me 'Ventura Gags'...you can see why I don't use this one).
2) Take a city you've lived in and combine it with a type of wood (i.e. Cleveland Pines, Trenton Mahogany).
3) Get drunk with your co-workers one night and ask them to help you.  Not my favorite choice as the names derived from this venture are often quite juvenile (Micro Penis, Transvestite Tony, Ass Hole).

My two cents is keep it traditional.  But, if you do find yourself working at porn studio, it is very much like pledging a fraternity...you often do not get to choose your 'nickname,' but rather, it is cast upon you.  My first job in the biz was working as an editor in a large, well-known studio.  It was felt around the office that I resembled the great, yet bizarre-looking thespian, Willem Defoe. This was then conjoined with the opinions of my co-workers that I utilized too many of the "default" transistions in my edits (which, of course, was bullshit)...hence Default...and Willem Default was born. I am not a huge fan of the name, but once a porn name is forged, it is extremely difficult to change.  Luckily, Willy D is an organic transition from both William DeLongpre and Willem Default, so to all of my detractors...suck it.

Perhaps my porn naming technique isn't the most popular, but I can look in the mirror each day and feel good about 'Willy D.'  And a word of advice...if you ever find yourself moonlighting at a porn studio, I would strongly urge you to fill out the job application with your porn name of choice, otherwise you may be spending the rest of your working days as Stank Muff, Johnny Afterbirth, or Queef Ledger.